I still have yet to start the 10 day challenge! I feel like such a looser for taking so long to start it. I won't promise that I will start tomorrow, but instead I "hope" to actually start it tomorrow.
I have started my job at the grocery store and I work in the bakery department. I love it! We get to decorate cakes and it is just so much fun! ED also likes it since he knows I won't eat any of it and in order to make sure of that I never carry money around with me that I could spend off of food....mouahahahahahaha!!!!!!!
Tomorrow I work from 12 to 4 it takes me 1 hours to walk there and 1 hour back, than I will go straight to the gym, where I hope to jog for 45 mins and do either 15 minutes of cycling or 30. Followed by some stretches. As for food...I don't have a plan. But I will do my best to stay hydrated.
I have been cutting more lately and it is literally getting out of hand...I could post a pic if you guys want to see...but I didn't know if I should. :P The one cut I did is quite deep and wide and I just kept playing with it....not only with a knife, but also with scissors. Listen to this...I actually cut chucks of skin out!!!!! I am too ashamed to tell my parents about it, but I really hope it can heal on its own :P I don't know....the nursing student part of me thinks that it is risky for infection and it will leave a very nasty scar and if I did show it to a doc they would do stitches. But for now I am just hoping that I can heal it on its own....I MUST STOP CUTTING!!!!!!!!
I hate this time of my life, depression, anorexia, bulimia, OCD, isolation, extreme low self esteem....I really hope to see a brighter world some day. Because if this is only going to get worse and worse....I don't think I want to be here for any longer than a year. If I keep living in a hell like this, than I am going to call it quits....time limit = one year!
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